I think you might find some healing by reading accounts of near-death experiences archived at www.iands.org and at www.nderf.org. You lived through a horrible example of what Christianity can be turned into, but, as you say later in your article, it can drive people to be so much better if they act out of love instead of from a desire to control.

I've never had an NDE, but I can see from reading these accounts that God is love and that God is everywhere. Go ahead and tell God when things hurt you or bother you. I think to God often. You know those people who talk about having a personal relationship with God? I describe it as, 'I do have a personal relationship with God, but I don't remember it.' That's okay, because God remembers all of us.

Bad things happen to good people because bad people, just like good people, have free will and exercise it. We are meant to learn from their actions and to be better people. That's all it is.

I very much enjoyed your article, and I hope to read more of your work.

ADDED: I just watched this NDE video today, and I learned some good things from it. I hope you will enjoy it, too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LNgDOLl2Ag