A group of friends--people who I thought liked and wanted to be friends with me, anyway--all went on a trip together and didn't invite me. I felt like less than the dog turd you accidently step on in the grass. I felt crushingly abandoned. and alone.

It was as if everything I had thought was real about me and my relationships with these people had all been something I conjured out of thin air. I felt I had been stupid to even imagine that we all counted each other as friends, because clearly they didn't consider me worth even going on a trip with them.

Eventually I got myself to the point of accepting that, though these people liked me and wanted to be friends with me, they didn't consider me as close a friend as they considered each other. That still hurt like hell, and it hurts to this day if I let myself wallow in the feelings.

But I had to pick myself up and realize that I don't get to choose what other people invite me to do. I don't get to shoose how close others feel to me, and I don't get to choose how much time others want to spend in my company. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but that's reality, and that's life.

But now, I don't feel like anything is real unless I am invited or unless my request to join in a group is enthusiastically answered with a yes.